


In This Quiet Hell

by Hachiya_Camus



Category: Touhou Project
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Canon Backstory, Canon Related, Canon Universe, Comedy, Developing Relationship, Deviates From Canon, Dialogue, Dialogue Heavy, Drama, F/F, Female Characters, Female Friendship, Female Relationships, Flashbacks, Gen, Historical References, I'm Bad At Tagging, Immortality, Immortals, Insecurity, Interpretation, Light Angst, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Personal Canon, Protectiveness, Shapeshifting, Slight Differences, Slow Build, Subtext, Were-Creatures, You Can See This as Romance or Really Close Friends, at times - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-03-07 06:51:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18867973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hachiya_Camus/pseuds/Hachiya_Camus
Summary: Two women who deeply value their relationship and the obsession that's tearing one apart.





	1. A Moonlight Visitor

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally going to be a massive oneshot but it's better off multi-chaptered (It probably will only be seven though.) Basically, this is a fic BASED (There are slight differences) on Mokou's chapter in Cage in Lunatic Runagate and a few introspective fanworks. Later chapters are probably better than the beginning ones.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Full Moon nights are fun

The night has lost its meaning, the beauty of the moon and the thousands of stars no longer had any sacrity left in them. At least that was how it was for one who has seen the same night sky for a thousand and three hundred years, it was only inevitable for the sky to lose its significance. Not that Fujiwara no Mokou was ever particularly fond of the moon to begin with. People might try and tell you what something should mean symbolism wise. Ultimately, however, what something means to someone is up to them. What might be peaceful and serene to most will represent lies and selfishness to another. Mokou wasn’t able to see the world in the same way nearly everyone around her saw it as. That was just a natural consequence of immortality though, but there was a difference between her and the other mythical citizens of Gensokyo; She was born a human and humans were never meant to live forever. Youkai on the other hand except to live for centuries. They don’t have to deal with the crisis of watching everyone they love mature and die naturally while never changing themselves. They are born knowing what the purpose of their long lives will be. Since humans know their time in the world is minimal, they rush to make the best of it. Even so, regardless of how long it takes, both species die one day as everything was meant to naturally. Immortality was not naturally living, it went against all laws of nature and who broke those laws always pay the price. That’s what those who possessed immortality learned at some point in their existence. When Mokou was born, no one could have known she would end up living for more than a thousand years. She really didn’t understand the fate she sealed for herself when she tasted the Hourai Elixir three times. A single impulsive moment of hatred, greed, and desire would lead to a lifetime of isolation. Not that Mokou didn’t think she deserved it, she killed a man to satisfy her desire, so why shouldn’t it become her punishment? The first three hundred years of her unnatural life were spent watching all those she loved pass on and hiding from the eyes of those hated her. The second three hundred destroying the world around her in an endless confused rage. The next three hundred wandering without a purpose and ending up in a land where the mystical roam. Then at last, after nine hundred years she could get her true revenge. Turns out the very woman who humiliated her family almost a century early could no longer return to her throne on the moon and had found a new home in the same land she had. Thus the last few hundred years were spent killing her rival at the forefront of her undying grudge on a daily basis. It was actually a rather simple story if you were looking in from the outside. The darkest details of her history she believed to only be known to her. Still, it was only a matter of time before the flames of resentment died down into the mediocrity of an average routine. Immortality can cause the relationship between the worst of enemies to go stale. The adrenaline was gone as was the initial sadistic thrill of annihilating the one who had hurt her so long ago. Mokou couldn't live without it nonetheless, she didn't know how to live without resenting her. The endless dueling seemed to be nothing more than a game to The Moon Princess now, maybe it always was. Something to keep her entertained just like the Full Moon Festivals she and her underlings were always arranging. In fact, she probably cared more for those parties than she did Fujiwara no Mokou as a whole. Tonight was yet another Lunar Festival and the goddess’s rabbit slaves wouldn’t shut up, Mokou swore they were on something when it came time for festivals. Mokou already disliked the damn monthly nuisances enough without a bunch of noisy rodents running around. Although she couldn’t say she completely detested the nights where the moon was full since she almost always had a visitor on those nights. Sure enough right as she had been thinking about it, the sliding door to her rickety old cabin opened and there stood the town’s faithful guardian with a pleasant smile that showed off her fangs. Her red eyes glowed as brightly on the interior as they did outdoors. That was something she and Mokou had in common, red eyes least in her current form but whereas her eyes burned almost abnormally, Mokou’s were just regular eyes that happened to red. Nevertheless, they would joke about it occasionally as they shared it in common with each other and no one else (that they knew anyway). She greeted Mokou then ducked slightly so her large, slightly curved horns could fit through. Once she was in, she took a seat on the zabuton opposite of Mokou and cupped her hands on the chabudai between them. The immortal and the half-beast exchanged small smiles with each other before Mokou spoke, “Did the festival make it any harder to sneak over here?” “Well, it wasn’t as easy as it usually is since they decided to hold it in the village instead of Eientei this month.” Mokou rolled her eyes and scoffed, “Yeah I know because there are pesky rodents everywhere.” The were-hakutaku tilted her head with a playfully confused look on her face. “Rodents? Do you mean Kaguya’s rabbits?” Mokou grunted a confirmation. “Rabbits aren’t actually rodents you know.”, the half-beast responded as she tucked a lock of silver hair with green strands behind her ear. “They’re close enough, gods they’re loud.” Mokou crossed her arms expressing her annoyance with them, “They do get quite excitable during the lunar festivals.” Keine noted. The tomboy tapped one of the paper charms on her hakama with her fingers and exclaimed, “No kidding, I swear they must be drugging them or something.” The hakutaku giggled a little, “Oh dear, are you suggesting that there may be some questionable dealings at Eientei?” “I wouldn’t be surprised if Kaguya’s lead minion was running a whole operation.” The beast let out a light sigh though she was entertained, “That’s a conspiracy to be expected of you.” “Hmpth” was all Fujiwara uttered in response. There was a silent moment between them, Mokou tugged on one her torn up, burnt sleeves and the half-beast scratched her horns. Mokou broke the silence when she realized she hadn’t greeted her friend properly. “Ah jeez I forgot to ask if you wanted anything to drink. Sorry about that, Keine.” Keine shook her head “Don’t worry about it, I can tell your mind was occupied.” Mokou lowered her head and frowned, “That’s not a good enough excuse for me.” With that Mokou stood up and walked into the kitchen, Keine’s eyes followed her. She fumbled around the shelves for a little bit before pulling out a worn but regal looking teapot. “You want anything specific?” “No anything is fine” “Alright”, Keine was actually a little excited because Mokou’s tea was really good and it’d been awhile since she’d had it. She watched her back as she started to boil the water and prepare the leaves, somewhat lost in thought. Keine knew better than to stare so intently, so she tore her gaze away to the closed windows. Not a single one was even slightly cracked open and there weren’t that many lights either. Keine had failed to notice on her previous visits since her ability to see in the dark improved significantly in her hakutaku form. Except for a human like Mokou, it must’ve been almost pitch black. Keine was used to Mokou neglecting her health and occasionally living in less than desirable conditions, always to her dismay. Still, she decided to inquire about it, “Hey isn’t it a little dark in here for you?” Mokou didn’t look up from what she was doing but still replied “Is it too dark in here for you?” “I can see fine in the dark when I’m a hakutaku but you’re a human, doesn’t it bother you?” Mokou turned around and lent with her back against the kitchen counter and her arms crossed then answered Keine “I’m used to it, they’re closed more often than not.” Keine’s intense gaze returned and focused on Mokou’s eyes. “Is there a reason for that?” Mokou waited a moment to answer which Keine found odd. “I got a little mad one night and closed them and just forgot to open them back up.” Mokou cast her gaze slightly downwards but Keine’s eyes remained fixed on her as she spoke: “Would you like me to open them now?” Mokou shook her head, “Don’t bother with it besides having them open now would just make those rodents’ yapping louder.” Keine closed her eyes for a second as she pressed her chin on her knuckles. She opened them again and simply said: “I see”. Mokou went back to finishing the tea while Keine absentmindedly looked at one of the few lamps in the room. When Mokou was done she brought over the teapot and a couple of cups and set them down which brought Keine back to reality. A broad grin spread across Keine’s face as Mokou poured the tea into her cup. Mokou caught on and smirked back, commenting “Just what are you smiling about?” Keine giggled and responded “To be honest your tea is some of the best I’ve ever had, I always look forward to it.” Mokou’s face went red in an instant and she quickly turned her head to the side in a poor attempt to hide it. “I-I just have had a long time to practice, yeah…” She wasn’t used to compliments so she always reacted to them awkwardly, Keine found it cute. “Wow, you fluster easily don’t you?” Mokou snapped her head forward, face still beet red and exclaimed “I-I-I do NOT! That just caught me off guard!” That just prompted more laughter from Keine much to Mokou’s embarrassment. Keine made a few more remarks to mess with her but eventually laid off to enjoy her tea. Once Mokou calmed down, she decided to speak something that been on her mind. “Say why is Kaguya holding the festival in the village this month?” Keine looked up from her cup, not immediately sure how to respond. “I mean she and the other occupants at Eientei are in hiding right? Isn’t it risky for them to be celebrating out in the open?” Keine thought about it for a few more moments then came a potential answer. “I think Kaguya goes stir crazy considering she spends most of her time in the manor.” Mokou took one of her hands off the table and gripped her knee before speaking again “So she’s willing to put herself and everyone around her in danger so she can have a bit of fun huh? How bratty” Keine suspected that would be her answer. Mokou wouldn’t see any good in Kaguya even if her life depended on it. She never missed a chance to complain about her either, Keine was very much used to it at this point so it didn’t bother her much. Actually, Keine was more inclined to take her side this time, it was an unnecessarily dangerous move for the folk at Eientei, since they never knew if the lunarians could find a way across Gensyo's border. The conversation also left the perfect opportunity for her to ask a question that she was too hesitant to bring up earlier. “When you said that something angered you to close all the windows one night did it have something to do with Kaguya or The Lunar Festivals?” Mokou who had been leaning back staring at the ceiling lowered her head. “Guess it’s that obvious”, Mokou was content with that simple answer but Keine wasn’t. She let Mokou know too with her glaring eyes and dissatisfied expression, Mokou knew it was useless trying to weasel her way out so she reluctantly gave the answer she wanted. “It’s just…” Mokou tightened the grip on her knee in either discomfort or irritation or both. “The moon is her domain, when I saw the moonlight coming in through the windows I felt like...I felt like her presence or her power was seeping in. I know it’s petty but I was having a pretty rough night so it felt reasonable at the time.” “Were you thinking about your past again too?” Keine actually didn’t want to say that aloud but it slipped out due to her concern for her friend. Mokou’s other hand on the floor started clawing the wood, she was extremely agitated though not entirely because of Keine’s questions. “I might’ve,” Mokou said her discomfort now spreading to her face. She was ashamed of distasteful emotions leaking out of her and felt the need to apologize “Sorry even after a thousand years it still gets me too riled up, it’s pathetic really.” Keine was quick to throw her hands up and shake them in an attempt to reassure Mokou. “Mokou please it’s fine I really don’t mind at all!” “It’s still not a good enough excuse for me.” Mokou stated bluntly “Mokou…” Keine had found that Mokou was usually resistant to show her emotions and closed off even more when the topic of her history came up. Mokou was always ashamed when she lost her cool speaking of the past so she opted not to mention it at all. Keine never intentionally tries to upset her but she wanted her to open up. Mokou, however, is like a stubborn clam right when you think you can get in it snaps shut again. There was really only one time where Mokou had intimately confined in Keine about what had happened hundreds of years before. The secrets Mokou had told Keine that night were known exclusively between the two. It made Keine the closest person Mokou had in the current period of her life. After that one night Mokou never spoke of her confession again nor did she speak of her origin again without persuasion. Thus Keine’s attempts to start the conversation once more always failed, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying. Because Keine felt that Mokou was still distant as if she was just out of her reach. It bothered Keine to no end because she cared so deeply for Mokou. Mokou too valued her relationship with Keine, citing her as one of the few people who truly understands her. Still, somewhere there was a disconnection between the two at times like this. The two sat there in uncomfortable silence and Mokou knew she was responsible, she felt she owed it to Keine to tell her what she wanted to know. “I was also thinking of what I did to Iwakasa. The moon was still out when I kicked him down the mountain.” Keine never cared for anyone who harmed others out of selfish intent, yet when it came to Moukou she had seen how Mokou paid the price and how she had carried the guilt throughout her entire immortal life. So Keine decided to forgive her but it was now her turn to speak “You don’t have the ability to let things go do you?” “Murder’s not something that can be let go. Still, I am sorry for pushing it on you Keine, it never involved you.” Keine frowned, looked Mokou dead in the eyes and bluntly retorted “You need to stop putting yourself down over everything Mokou. There’s a difference between someone who has no remorse and never learns and someone who evolves from their sins. That’s especially true for someone such as yourself.” Spoken like the academic she was, Mokou was relieved to have such an understanding friend with comforting words yet she’ll never feel that she deserves it. “I don’t know how you put up with my whining all the time. I’m probably worse than your class, you have some otherworldly gift I tell you.” Keine chuckled, Mokou for better or worse could be unexpectedly entertaining at the bleakest of times. “I wouldn’t ever compare you to my students they’re a completely different level, don’t put yourself down like that.” Mokou straightened her posture and put her hands back on the table and spoke: “Ok I won’t degrade myself to a bunch of annoying children.” Keine put her hand under her chin then replied, “Aw they have their charm, they just can be a bit difficult.” “Maybe we should switch roles and you can complain to me about the worst of the bunch.” Keine opened her eyes again her expression going rigid with annoyance while she placed her hands on her lap and stared Mokou in the eyes. “Oh god, so the other day I found a broken window which I assumed was an accident but then when I asked the class about it, it actually was…” Keine spent quite a bit of time ranting about various incidents the troublemakers in her class put her through. Mokou found each story more entertaining than the last and was glad for the levity. She also now knew and fully appreciated why Keine had such remarkable patience. Seriously she knew Keine like kids and all but how she dealt with what she dealt with impressed Mokou. “Oh jeez, I went on a bit of a tiraid didn’t I?” Keine said holding her chin close to her clearly embarrassed with herself but Mokou just gave a light smirk in return. “That’s just something we mutually do, you know old ladies knit together we complain about our lives to each other, what’s the difference?” Keine rolled her eyes jokingly and snarkily replied, “What do you mean they’re not the same? And I believe you’re the oldest lady I’ve ever met.” Mokou crossed her arms with a mischievous smile on her face, she joked back “Well at least I don’t look old, unlike a certain someone.” “Oh you bastard”, Keine grabbed one of the neighboring zabutons so she could throw it at Mokou. Mokou put up one of her arms to block it, proud of herself for getting a reaction out of the calm teacher. “Who said I was referring to you? Maybe I was talking about Eirin.” “Suuuure you were” The two laughed together and when they calmed down, Keine looked at the shadow cast by the lamps across the room. The shadow had indicated that it was time for Keine to return home if she hoped to make it back before morning. Mokou caught on “It’s time isn’t it?”, Keine nodded with a blank expression. “Hey, at least the kids will be as exhausted as you tomorrow.” Mokou remarked, “They actually decided to give them the day off” Keine corrected, “Even better for you, enjoy sleeping in.” Mokou added. Keine smiled weakly saying she will, Mokou got up and escorted Keine to the door. Before she stepped out, Keine turned around and lightly hugged Mokou. It surprised Mokou a little but it didn’t seem of out of Keine's character, she returned the embrace. “I’m sorry”, Keine softly muttered into Mokou’s ear, “You’re fine you didn’t do anything wrong.” Mokou returned with yet Keine wasn’t satisfied, “It’s not it’s just--” Keine cut herself apparently deciding whatever she was going to say was better left in her mind. Mokou didn’t question it and gave Keine a pat on the back. Keine let go, her burning eyes meeting Mokou’s as she spoke to her one last time before leaving, “Hey, please don’t forget to take care of yourself and stop beating yourself up all the time.” Mokou still couldn’t understand why Keine cared for as deeply as she did but she was grateful to have someone looking out for her. “Yes teacher, don’t want another lecture” Keine playfully smacked Mokou on the arm for that before heading on her way, she waved goodbye before slipping into the thick bamboo thickets. Once she was out of sight Mokou stopped waving and closed the door. Keine’s full moon visits were always nice even if they usually didn’t see each other inbetween them. Mokou was finishing cleaning up and noticed that Keine was right as it was extremely difficult to see anything, it was that dark. Mokou still ended up not doing anything about it as she was quite accustomed to it at this point. She headed to her bedroom taking out her ribbons releasing her lengthy pale blue hair as she went then fumbled her way to her nearly broken platform bed. It was a miracle the thing could still handle her weight, it creaked loudly as she rolled over on her back to stare at the ceiling. She was debating sleeping since she was planning to forage the forest for something to eat in the morning. It had been a few days since she had eaten or drank anything. Mokou thought she was lucky that Keine didn’t notice today because otherwise, she would’ve spent the night being scolded again. Keine’s heart was always in the right place but there were times where she was a little much for Mokou. Then again most people would be horrified if they knew that Mokou used to eat only once or twice a week. Mokou figured that poor Keine still had flashbacks of that conversation whenever her stomach audibly growled. Given Keine’s caregiver personality it really was to be expected, plus Mokou did admittedly need someone to drive her into fulfilling herself, necessary or not. Mokou smiled to herself in the dark, Keine was too good a friend for her and she really is in her debt. With that in mind, Mokou ended up drifting off to sleep with peaceful dreams.


	2. An Thousand Year Obsession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama in the moon mansion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter will probably the shortest of the bunch. I didn't mention it last chapter but I'm considering having this fic as part of a series about the cast of Imperishable Night.

She had only slept for a few hours but still felt refreshed once the morning light hit her face. She wasted no time getting to work, essentially walking out the door as soon she awoke minus a few preparations. Her original plan was to just get some bamboo sprouts with a few mushrooms then go home. The sounds of crying in the distance interrupted that plan. Mokou was kneeling down to splash some water on her face in a creek when pitiful sobs first barely audible grew too loud wailing throughout the forest. In the back of her mind, she had a feeling this would happen, still, she had crossed her fingers that it wouldn’t happen this early. Considering how loud the weeping was ignoring it definitely wasn’t an option and since she was close to her cabin it wouldn’t even inconvenience her all that much. Mokou sighed, she walked back to her house so she could drop off the basket she was putting the greens in then proceeded to track down the source of the crying. It wasn’t hard, Mokou followed the sound to a young rabbit youkai lying on her knees and rubbing her eyes on the forest floor. She squeaked in surprise when Mokou cleared her throat to make her presence known. Several of the smaller animal youkai in the Bamboo Forest of The Lost found Mokou intimating and tried not to approach her unless ordered to. It was true Mokou found the critters annoying as hell but she wasn’t one to abandon someone in need. Mokou loomed over her hands in pocket and asked if she was from Eientei or not. The rabbit explained that she was from Eientei after the festival was over she and some of the other rabbit servants decided to party a little deeper in the forest. At some point the rabbit passed out, when she woke up she couldn’t find her friends and started panicking. Wasn’t the craziest post-festival story Mokou ever heard but she didn’t understand why the rabbits could never find their way home. So she told the rabbit she knew the way back to Eientei which instantly made her stick to Mokou’s side like a puppy. Typical of the rabbits, they could hardly function when left alone for even a second. So they clung to anyone that came to the rescue. Due to their need depend on someone they could easily be convinced into being servants and were even satisfied with being pets if it meant they wouldn’t be alone. For Mokou, who had gone through life a silent loner, couldn’t understand their social nature, she viewed it as a weakness. No one lasted forever so relying on someone would just lead to problems down the road, it wasn’t worth the inevitable pain. Mokou didn’t say a word the whole trip as she usually did, ignoring any small talk the rabbit tried to make. When they reached the gates of Eientei, she darted past Mokou to the front doors where the Moon Sage Eirin happened to be standing. The young rabbit hurriedly apologized then headed inside to catch up on whatever duties she had fallen behind on. Eirin seemed more interested in Mokou, once the door was shut Eirin headed outside the gates to speak to her. “I haven’t seen you here for a while.” Eirin told Mokou in her regular sophisticated but stern tone. Mokou shrugged, “Kaguya hasn’t come to meet me recently either, her assassins aren’t a challenge anymore.”, Eirin frowned at that, she adjusted her cosmic nurse cap then tried to send Mokou on her way. “Thank you for bringing another rabbit back”, Eirin turned around as she had decided that perhaps speaking with her mistress's rival wasn’t worth the trouble. But it wasn’t in Mokou’s nature to be cast aside so easily. “Do me a favor and tell Kaguya next time she’s bored instead of sticking Eientei’s neck out with a festival she can come fight me instead.” Eirin stopped in her tracks so she could face Mokou once more, visibly annoyed. “Humans are spiteful creatures no matter what huh?” Mokou furrowed her brow in confusion “Pardon?” Eirin took a few steps and stood over Mokou, staring her down with her grey eyes. “You never will be satisfied, your hate is an undying flame that refuses to be extinguished. Don’t you have anything better to do other than brutally pleasure yourself with your anger?” Mokou gritted her teeth, she spat back “Says the one who serves a mistress who just yesterday put all her subjects in danger just to have a bit of fun herself.” Eirin stared at her feet for a second. “I might not have been on the moon with her like you but even someone like me sees that Kaguya will always care for herself first and foremost.” Mokou continued before Eirin retaliated “We are in no danger anymore but no one told you that, did they? You know nothing of Kaguya but your bitterness for her. You live to curse and hate, that’s all you know right? Really, what an annoying waste of the elixir.” Eirin was quite done with this conversation and paid no mind to Mokou as she threw one last insulting comment. “You just don’t want to admit the self-serving nature of the princess of Eientei right?” Eirin threw Mokou one last stink eye before sliding the door to the dwelling of the moon's exiles. With nothing else to do Mokou headed back to her place to resume what she was doing before. The rest of the day passed uneventfully, been quite some time since she’s pissed off Eirin. She usually didn’t feel the need to bother her since Eirin never did anything to her. Yet today she unexpectedly got the urge to blow off steam on someone since Kaguya wasn’t around to satisfy her. She didn’t know what Kaguya could possibly be doing cooped up in that palace all day. Mokou almost got half the mind to march in and ask Kaguya that herself but wasn’t in the mood to fight the rest of Eientei. Mokou was now worked up, as she collected the mushrooms and sprouts and whatnot her mind went back to what Kaguya did to her father in the days before she was immortal. Mokou was kept a secret since she was a result of an affair between her father and some woman that wasn’t his wife, she never knew who her mother was exactly. Despite this Mokou’s father treated her well, not treating her any differently than the other children. This was especially unusual since at the time illegitimate children would be disposed of without a second thought. His wife wouldn’t let her out in public but otherwise, she had a good life, she was loved. Unfortunately, her father had a dire weakness for beautiful women and at that time there was an otherworldly beauty bringing men left and right to their knees. Kaguya Houraisan, a princess of the moon people cast down to earth for some sin or another. Almost every man in the land wanted Kaguya to be his wife, but Kaguya would only agree to marry the man who could complete five utterly impossible trials. The whole thing was a trap as not even the Emperor could fulfill her requests. Mokou’s father like so many others tried and failed making a fool of himself in the process. Mokou was never able to understand why the father she adored with all her heart was destroying himself over a single woman. Mokou had only intended to humiliate Kaguya the way she did her father yet the sinful impulsive crime came and went and Mokou had inadvertently thrown away the life she could’ve had. When she returned her father said he was sorry but he couldn’t have an immortal murderer living with him when she told him what had happened on the mountain. Within the first hundred years of her unnatural life, she secretly watched her father live his life on the outskirts. He lived the rest of his life peacefully but his failure to marry Kaguya haunted him even to his last day. That was the seed to which Mokou’s burning need to destroy Kaguya emerged from. Even now Mokou still felt Kaguya’s never got the punishment she deserved for her actions. Humans treated her kindly, much more kindly than they treated Mokou a despite being one herself, yet she repaid them by making fools out of them. Now several centuries later she lived in a beautiful manor with servants who tended to her every will and whim. How was that even the slightest bit fair Mokou would always ask herself and no matter what answer she came up with, her blood boiled. She had finally finished gathering what she needed and returned home to cook something out of it. She started following a recipe Keine may or may have forced her to learned after blowing up on Mokou for her former eating habits. When it came time to break the bamboo sprouts, she pretended the cracking sound was Kaguya’s neck breaking over and over again. She was obsessed, she was obsessed even before she drank the elixir, she was obsessed for the entirety of her existence. She knew desperately needed to calm down so she focused as hard as she could on the recipe. It’s funny now that she looks back but when Keine yelled at Mokou that first time, she was in a corner holding her knees. Didn’t help that beast or human Keine had one hell of a headbutt. Keine never seemed able to stay angry for long though so she eventually resorted to teaching Mokou a few new recipes. Though Mokou surprised Keine with the fact that she was actually skilled at cooking, though she’d always just say she had plenty of time to practice. That day they winded up sharing different recipes with each other. That had been the first time Mokou had felt bloated in possibly three to five hundred years, not since she’d grilled a bear. She was also cocky that day and also decided to impress Keine with her many years of household chore knowledge. That was early in their friendship, Mokou smiled as she recalled those pleasant memories. Anytime she remembered something she did with Keine, it made her feel better. Keine in general was a calming presence to Mokou. She’ll always wonder why Keine was so concerned for her wellbeing but she also figured maybe there didn’t need to be one. She had finished cooking and settled down for a meal for one. Now that she had Keine on her mind she remembered that Keine had today off. Knowing what a workaholic Keine was she probably wasted it on gods know what side project her class won’t be interested in. Woe is the teacher who will never be properly recognized for her endless overtime hours. Mokou put her face on her knee and huffed, it’s a good thing she had Keine. With nothing else to do for the rest of the night, she went out on her porch and lied down. The cool breeze felt nice on Mokou’s face, she closed her eyes. It was a night like this one where she found out, she’ll never forget what her eyes felt like, her gaze is a distinct feeling. One Mokou would never forget no matter how many years went by. She opened her eyes back up to glance at the moon.


	3. Lurking Shadow in Her Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keine worries for Mokou quite a bit

Keine had drifted off to the gentle moonlight and awoke to bright sunlight hitting her face. The morning light could either be warm and pleasant or blunt and harsh. For Keine, it was the latter when she opened her eyes the sun stared at her making her groan and cover her eyes with her hand. She raised her head off the desk where she had passed out, sleeping slumped over her desk made her stiff as a stick. Sure enough, when she stood up from her chair her bones made their protest with a cracking sound. Keine groaned again wishing she would’ve just gone to sleep in her bed and woke up early to finish her work. Mokou had expressed to Keine several times that she was concerned her work habits were draining her. It was ironic since Mokou never took care of herself, though it touched Keine’s heart that she was worried for her. Since Mokou showed indifference for most people except Kaguya, it was a big deal when she paid attention to someone else’s well being. Keine was happy that she was special to Mokou in that sense, but her reminiscing was rudely interrupted when she made the mistake of tilting her head which resulted in a painful crack. She whimpered, her neck always gave her hell all day if she slept in an abnormal position. She didn’t have the time to do anything about it since she observed that the position of the sun meant if she wasted any more time she’d be late. So she went through the motions, getting into her work clothes, eating a light breakfast, nothing anyone else wouldn’t do. Mokou found her way back into Keine’s mind as she was walking to the school, Mokou despite having the unofficial job of forest guide still never had any kind of structure to her days. Keine didn’t know how Mokou could live like that, she always needed something to work towards. When Keine asked what she did with her days, she answered that she spends most of her time being bored but occasionally tried to master a random skill like bamboo crafts. Mokou went as far to claim that her mastery over fire was due to nothing less than playing with sorcery during her many years of purposeless wandering. Keine had some doubt if that was completely true but she didn’t question it. Once she arrived in her classroom she went on a teaching autopilot. The morning classes went by without major incident, just average classroom shenanigans. Most of the class went outside when it came time for lunch break as it was a beautiful day. It allowed the opportunity for Keine to put her head down for a second, she was so tired between last night and her visit with Mokou the previous one. There was a time when Keine went to visit Mokou during the day, which was shortly after they first met. She gradually slowed on her daylight visits as she begun taking on more and more responsibilities. Eventually, she only saw Mokou once a month when she assumed her hakutaku form, which she enjoyed immensely yet she wanted more. She regularly yearned to find the time to see Mokou more often. Was it normal to think about someone this much? Keine couldn’t help but have that thought constantly, she felt that she had desires that were on the border of questionable when it came to her friend. She never would admit it to herself and certainly not Mokou, least she hoped as she was fine with the way things were between them. She closed her eyes for a moment, she saw her standing at the edge of a dark abyss that stretched out endlessly. She reached out for her but her hand wasn’t fast enough to catch her as she stepped into it, it engulfed her leaving nothing left. Keine snapped out of the dream as quickly as she slipped into it, sweat still dripped onto the desk nonetheless. She was startled by the peculiar nature of her daydream, some say dreams, even daytime ones can embody a person’s troubles. She wanted to dwell on it more but free time always flies by on a school day, before she knew it students started flooding back into class. Keine ever the diligent worker pushed the dream aside, very much against her will, so her students wouldn’t know anything was wrong. She ignored any astray thoughts that popped into her mind for the rest of the day before she could finally leave. The hours passed by slower when she had something tugging at her annoyingly enough. She closed the school up then made her way home as she always did. She slowed to a stop when the outskirts of The Bamboo Forest of The Lost came into view. She gazed longingly between the tall, looming stalks trying to find something that wasn’t there. A soft breeze came through which was oddly relieving to Keine, a small smile spread across her face as she pushed one of her blue highlights behind her ear. She stood there for a few moments then decided to continue walking. She eventually reached the marketplace, it was the typical afternoon scene, people buying something to eat on their way home from work or for their families. Keine was always curious about what it meant to fit someone into your daily routine. What was it like coming home after a long day to someone waiting for you? Keine assumed it must’ve been a wonderful feeling, she wanted to settle down like that for a long time but just couldn’t find the someone she wanted. She was making her way through the monotonous crowd however something made the white noise of voices cease and time stand still. Reflected in her brown eyes, a familiar back appeared, long bluish-white hair and a shirt stained by ash with the red straps of a hakama. Keine blinked a few times stunned that the very woman who had been on her mind all day was casually buying from one of the stalls. Her hat almost falling off her head was enough to remind her time was still moving and that she was standing in the middle of a busy walkway. Without saying anything she walked over and stretched her hand out, placing it on Mokou’s shoulder. Mokou made a noise of confusion before turning her head, “...Keine? I figured you’d be around here somewhere but give me a second, you’ve caught me at a bad time.” The merchant whom Mokou had been speaking to handed her a few sticks of yakitori so Mokou swung back around to pay. Keine grinned, she should’ve known Mokou would come to town for yakitori of all things. Once Mokou had wrapped up her business with the merchant she and Keine stepped off to the side out of the way of any other potential customers. They managed to find a place to sit down, Mokou was devouring her chicken while Keine looked up at the sky trying to clear her head. Mokou wiped her mouth before telling Keine “It’s funny I almost didn’t recognize you I’m so used to you having uhhhhh…you know.” Keine gripped the side of her dress, she mumbled, “Yeah well we don’t see each other often anymore”. Mokou wasn’t anticipating her dorn response and wanted to do something to lighten the mood. She put her hand on Keine’s head her fingers just shy of hitting Keine’s hat and started gently ruffling her hair. “Hey come on don’t pout I’ll never forget that cute round face of yours.” Mokou said it as if it meant nothing but Keine’s face became as red as an apple. “That’s oddly s-s-s-suggestive coming from you! And who said you could pat me!” Mokou smirked, seeing Keine embarrassed was rare, “Is it?” “IT IS” Keine nearly shouted back, Mokou was clearly enjoying herself and wasn’t done yet so she joked “Man you look like a vegetable, didn’t know anyone’s face could get that bright” “S-shut up it’s not that red…” Mokou ruffled a little more then poked at her one more time in an attempt to keep Keine flustered, “Wow if you always look this adorable everytime someone messes with you then I ought to tease you more often.” “Says the one that breaks down at the tiniest compliment” Keine countered, not wanting to give Mokou anymore of a show than she already got. Mokou paused before responding “I’m more used to insults than compliments is all” “Unsurprising”, Mokou didn't really have the reaction she wanted but at least she was saved from more teasing. “Were you really hungry enough to come all the way here?” Keine added on an unrelated note, Mokou took another bite of her last stick before replying “Actually I ate yesterday too, just had a craving for some yakitori” “You should eat everyday I don’t care if you don’t need to” Keine sternly informed her friend, “I know I’m not risking that lecture again” Mokou said as she used one of her hands to adjust her straps, “Well at least I know someone listens to them.” Keine sarcastically returned, while they were on the subject of yakitori Keine decided to ask “Hey can’t you make it yourself? Not that I’m not happy to see you” “Didn’t feel like cooking again and you wouldn’t of reached out if you didn’t want to see me” At the words “reached out” Keine couldn’t help but think back to her bizarre daydream earlier. She was complimenting mentioning it at some point though she didn’t want to in public, she felt it should be a private matter between them. Mokou wasn’t quite sure why Keine suddenly went quiet, she was concerned so she asked, “Everything alright?” Keine didn’t want to draw attention to herself so she decided to give a non-telling answer “Yeah, just spaced out for a second. Also, have you perhaps stopped making yakitori because you nearly burned down the for--” She was cut off by a wide eyed Mokou putting a finger to her lips to silence her. “The fire was due to some kids throwing burning cigarettes ok?” “Really?” “Yes” “I don’t know I mean--” She was silenced again, “Cigarettes, ok?” “Cigarettes?” “Yes, cigarettes caused the fire” Seeing the desperation in Mokou’s eyes Keine decided to play along “Cigarettes are quite dangerous aren’t they?” “Yeah no kidding” Mokou said as normally as she could but she was a hilariously awful actress. Keine signed though she started grinning, “Why did you want to try and start a stand in the middle of the forest anyway?” Mokou scratched the back of her head before responding, “I needed to get on the villagers' good side and I was good at making yakitori.” Keine’s face quickly morphed into a concerned frown, “What do you mean get on their good side? You didn’t do anything” “Yeah but the thing is since Eientei provides medical service to the village and Kaguya’s the princess, so she could turn them against me if I’m not careful.” Mokou couldn’t see it but Keine curled up her fists, of course, it had something to do with Kaguya she begrudgingly thought to herself. Mokou didn’t seem phased at all, not hearing the paranoia in her own words, that's probably what irritated Keine the most, the fact that she couldn’t see how deep her fixation ran. She let her exactly what she was thinking without any hesitation, “Why would the people here turn on you? You’re safe, no one except Kaguya and her assassins will come after you but you want that…” “I just wanna make sure, when they caused that incident with the fake moon you know afterward Kaguya convinced a lot of people to face me. Normally I wouldn’t have a problem but some of them were human. I don’t like fighting humans so I’d rather take precautions.” Mokou’s explanation actually was completely understandable yet it still bothered Keine, “That was only because I failed to keep them from you, I won’t let something like that happen again I promise.” Keine avowed, she looked at her feet remembering her bitter defeat, Mokou wasn’t liking the look on her face. So to fix that Mokou grabbed the sides of her face and started pulling gently to piss her off, because at least if she was pissed off she wouldn’t wallow in her failure. “OW! What do you think you’re doing?!” Keine yelled while taking off Mokou's hands, her face now one of annoyed anger, wasn’t as good as her smile but Mokou still preferred it over what she had a second ago. “I didn’t like that pitiful look on your face, you’re too proud a woman for that look.” Keine’s eyes gave away how stunned she was by that statement, she didn’t know Mokou held her in such high regard. It made Keine feel special to the one whom she cared for most, it was a feeling she could get used to. She wouldn’t Mokou see that though, she needed to say something but it was already too late as Mokou opened her mouth again to speak. “Sorry if that was weird” “Don’t worry about it...hey would you like to come over to my place?” Mokou was a little confused by the transition, and Keine was embarrassed by suddenly blurting it out, clutching her dress in the anxiety of it. Much to Keine’s relief Mokou started smiling meaning she wasn’t weirded out by the sudden offer as she irrationally feared. “Sure I’ve let you crash at my place plenty of times I think you owe me it.” Keine rolled her eyes and snarkily said, “You think you’re so funny don’t you?” “Not really I hardly know how to properly talk with people much less entertain them.” Mokou replied surprisingly truthfully, “Well you’ve been great company to me” Keine commented gazing into Mokou’s eyes, she didn’t say anything back just beamed a smile at her. The two decided it was about time to head on their way right as the sun started it’s slow descend. Keine glanced behind her for a second, there were stray bamboo stalks casting long shadows. Something about the way their shadows just kept growing was bothering Keine. She faced forward not wanting to think about darkness, Mokou was able to sense a change in her demeanor. She put an arm around her shoulder as they walked, Keine looked at her face, she was grinning as if nothing mattered. Keine smiled too, it was her typical beautiful smile but her eyes were filled with worry and sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot more Keine is coming, a whole storm of her


	4. The Only Person Like Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mokou spends the night with Keine while she talks to her about why she values her company so much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to apologize for how long this chapter is now but hey it's Keine's special chapter. Also the last chapter and this one came out a weeee bit gay womp

Once the pair arrived at Keine’s place there were two features that caught Mokou’s eye. One was that it looked like something from the last century, it had a much more traditional appearance than most of the surrounding houses. It was a fitting dwelling for someone obsessed with history like Keine. The other noticeable thing was the size of it, while it wasn’t a mansion it was still a pretty good sized house, especially considering it only had one occupant. “Hey, you’ve got a nice place here don’t know why you even bother coming to my rotting cabin in the woods.” Mokou spoke her mind to which Keine answered “Your place has it’s charm besides I only got this house because it needed a ton of work done to it. Actually, I still haven’t finished fixing up all the rooms.” Mokou threw her hands behind her head on her neck then spoke once more, “Never took you for a fixer-upper” “Is it that hard to believe I could do some labor?” “Dunno you seem kind of dainty in your human form” Keine stopped and faced Mokou so she could flick her on the forehead. “That’s awfully ironic considering your cabin in the woods still looks like it’s been abandoned for five hundred years.” Keine bluntly pointed out, “No amount of work is gonna save that place, trust me anyday now it’s gotta collapse on me in my sleep.” Keine stared at her unamused, “You have all the time in the world for all eternity and yet you’re still gonna find excuses to procrastinate” Mokou flashed Keine an I-did-nothing-wrong look, “Either way sounds like you still got your work cut out for you so let me know if you ever need my help.” Mokou genuinely offered, Keine knew she could easily finish it on her own but she was gonna pocket that offer so she’d have a reason to have Mokou over again. “Sure I’ll find a time to have your sticks of arms help me out.” “Oi my arms are meatier than you think, just the sleeves are tight fitting so you can’t tell.” Mokou countered but Keine replied “That doesn’t make any sense” Mokou jokingly pulled down her burnt sleeve exposing her shoulder and said in a mockingly seductive manner “Shall I strip to prove it to you?” Keine averted her eyes with a blush on her face, “Don’t joke like that” “I’ll admit that wasn’t good” “It was awful”, Keine bluntly remarked and while it was a terrible attempt at a joke, it was more because now Keine would have an image of Mokou’s bare shoulder trapped in her mind. Keine then walked to her front door and signaled for Mokou to come in. She did so after taking off her shoes then closed the door behind them. She saw that while the place was nowhere near as disheveled as her own, it still wasn’t the neatest. If anything it looked like it was cleaned up in a rush, probably related to Keine’s dedication to her work. Mokou found her work ethic one of the most admirable traits about her but it made her forget the world around her. “You still working harder than a mule?” Mokou asked as she followed Keine into what resembles a living room, “Being a teacher’s a difficult commitment” Keine answered as she sat down on a zaisu placed next to a kotatsu, “I get the feeling it’s more than just that” Mokou said while taking a seat on the side closest to Keine. “I can’t hide it from you huh?” Keine stared at her lap with her eyes half lidded, there were times where she felt Mokou could read her thoughts and others where she felt she couldn’t pick up on her clues. “I have to keep my mind occupied or else my thoughts will get the better of me.” Keine grabbed the fabric of her dress going over it with her thumb then raised her head to look at Mokou. The immortal blinked and rubbed her eyebrows, Keine couldn’t tell what she was feeling through her eyes. “You think so much about everything it must almost drive you mad sometimes. Living in fear of your intrusive thoughts is no way to live, you can open up to me about whatever’s on your mind.” Keine chewed her lip a bit and returned her gaze to her lap, she would gladly spill everything she had kept inside her, she desperately needed to. Except most of her worries pertained to Mokou so she wouldn’t, she wouldn’t let know her know she was always on her mind nor what she truly yearned for. “Just stupid school stuff and if you’re taking better care of yourself”, She plastered a fake smile and tried to treat it like a lighthearted statement. Mokou wasn’t that daft however, “You sure? I really meant anything you know, you’re important to me so if there’s a burden on your shoulder I want to help take it off.” Keine swallowed hard, her chest felt crushingly heavy but still, she forced herself to lie once more. “That’s touching but really I’m good, everything’s fine I couldn’t be happier actually.” Mokou narrowed her eyes and tried to look at Keine but she wouldn’t meet her gaze, “Just remember offers always on the table.” Keine’s eyes were moist from nearly bursting into tears, it wasn’t easy holding so much in yet she still managed to regain her posture. “I forgot that I still had a kotatsu out even though it’s mid-spring isn’t that foolish of me?” Keine randomly mentioned trying to change the subject, Mokou was staring at the sunset out of one of the nearby windows still she responded with, “I saw that but I assumed since you like warm things you didn’t want to put it up.” Keine cocked her head to the side, “I like warm things?” Mokou’s eyes were still observing the last of the sun’s descent as she spoke, “I mean I assumed you did since you’re always complaining about how cold it is at my place.” “That’s in the winter when it’s snowing and ice fairies are prancing around but someone still doesn’t heat up their cabin.” “I forgot to get firewood last year” Mokou tried to defend herself by explaining her excuse as innocently as possible but Keine already was preparing a scolding. “Honestly Mokou how many times must I remind you to keep yourself alive? And just who is fine with nearly becoming a human iceblock every winter?” Mokou put a hand on the back of her head, letting out a nervous chuckle then gave her usual answer “It suits me best to bear the discomfort”, Keine gave a glare as icy as Mokou’s house then took her hat off so she could reach over to Mokou and smack her with it. “I’ve said it a million times before and I’ll say it a million more times, Mokou you don’t deserve to suffer, you need to value yourself more.” Mokou ran a hand through her hair, she didn’t say anything only gently smiled. The sun had cast a weak, lone ray of light on her face before completely sinking into the distance, then the moon began to rise casting shadows over anything that stood in its way. Keine kept her eyes fixed on her, curious as to what she was thinking about, probably something insignificant but she still couldn’t help but wonder. Noticing the encroaching darkness Keine stood up to light some of the lamps hanging haphazardly around. She struggled to find something which she could use in the darkness, she wouldn’t need to worry though. She spotted Mokou sparking small flames on a finger then using it to light the lamps. “Ah thank you” “No problem, matches are troublesome aren’t they?” “If you can barely see then yes they are troublesome to find.” Mokou was lighting the last lamps few while still speaking to Keine “It’s strange how different you are depending on the form, if you were a Hakutaku then you probably wouldn’t even bother with the lights.” Keine began chewing on her lip again, this time a speck of blood formed on her lips. Those words weren’t meant to mean anything yet they filled her with a particular sense of anxiety known only to her. She squeezed her eyes shut wanting to ward off unpleasant thoughts from entering her head. “Although there’s no difference personality wise, you’re still undeniably you. I always assumed people would take a three-sixty when transforming bodies like that but I guess you’re different huh?” Mokou said carelessly as she took her seat again, though she wasn’t anticipating what Keine did next. A pair of gentle arms wrapped around her waist, with those arms came the warm weight of a body and a face nuzzling into her shoulder. Mokou initially tensed up not used to physical contact especially not this kind, she was slowly easing into it as it was an innocent gesture. “Did I cross into an insecure area?” Mokou asked while overlapping her right hand with the ones holding on her waist, “It’s just...I like what you said, I need to be reassured of...of certain things sometimes”. Keine nervously explained, Mokou used her free hand to softly scratch the side of Keine’s head, “You’re needy than you look huh? Need to be comforted quite a bit is that it?” Keine tilted her head towards Mokou’s hand, she loved the feeling yet she felt so pathetic and spoiled. “Guess I’m pretty weak”, Keine said which prompted Mokou to turn her head as much as she could to look at the face on her shoulder. “No, you’re actually pretty resilient keeping so many secrets inside of you, I know first hand how difficult it truly is.” Keine knew it was meant to be reassuring yet somehow it wasn’t satisfying. “So you think I’m secretive?” “I know you hide things from me but that’s something we’re both guilty of. Still, you don’t need to hide everything from me.” Mokou offered once again, Keine still didn’t say anything now openly showing her reluctance by pressing her face deeper Mokou’s shoulder. “I’ve wanted to ask for a long time but never could the right time. You really hate being a Were-Hakutaku don’t you?” Keine tightened her grip on Mokou, still not answering Mokou decided to keep talking; “You never look comfortable when you’re called a half-beast. You always drive in the fact that your still human when the moon isn’t full. You’re always hiding from everyone, even when I first saw your other form you tried to run from me. Hating a part of yourself will only cause endless pain and I’m sorry I couldn’t console you about it until now.” Keine closed her eyes so hard it hurt, “It’s, i-i-t’s not your fault I didn’t want you to know anything honestly. I should trust you more I know that but…” Mokou continued her thought, “But it’s hard right? You’re scared what I’ll think, it’s ironic since I was the same, even though I’d know you listen I forced myself not to speak. We’re both so used to not being able to speak that we can’t get ourselves to talk even we can it seems.” Keine’s eyes shot open and glanced at Mokou’s hand resting atop of her own. Keine remembered when they first met, entirely by accident nonetheless it was sacred to Keine and even Mokou. It had been a nice day and Keine had gone out into the forest for some reason or another. Although she had just gone a little ways out at some point she realized that her environment was changing. She’d blink then feel like someone had dropped her in a completely new place. It was disorienting not to mention distressing, eventually she sat down so she could try and get her head together. That was when someone tapped on her shoulder, that was also when Keine first laid her eyes on the tomboyish beauty who would later become the nearest and dearest person in her life. But at the time it was wasn’t any special occurrence to Mokou especially. She explained to Keine that fairies who lived in the woods enjoyed playing tricks on human passersby with magic. Mokou said she’d lead her back to the village since the fairies knew better than to mess with her. Keine tried learning about her guide through all the basic questions but only achieved in getting her name. Once the village was in sight, Mokou left without saying a word as she always did. What separated Keine from everyone else who encountered Mokou was the fact that she kept returning to the forest to find her. She heard the occasional rumor about someone in the woods who guided people through the forest to Eientei and back. She was under the assumption that whoever was living alone in that forest must’ve been elderly or a youkai. It was quite surprising to her that the mysterious lurker in the woods was in fact actually a youthful looking woman who appeared completely normal if not a little anti-social. Although whether it was due to her abilities as a Hakutaku or just natural instinct, Keine knew there was something different. She wasn’t a youkai but she wasn’t a regular human, she just didn’t know what was different but she wouldn’t overlook it in case she turned out to be a danger to the village. It would be quite a while before she learned but Keine’s persistent visits which at first annoyed Mokou gradually lead to an unlikely friendship. They grew closer and closer still she never knew anything about her other than she hated Kaguya. That changed when Keine’s secret was exposed to Mokou when she caught her mid-transformation on a nightly stroll. It was a simple mistake on Keine’s part but it was still her worst nightmare so she had tried to dash away out of her own insecure fear. She underestimated how quick Mokou could be and not two steps out Mokou had gotten a hold of Keine’s wrist. She probably would've broken loose of her grip except Keine hated using force if she didn’t have to and she was much more concerned with trying cover her face with her hands at the moment. It was as ineffective as it sounded still Keine was desperate, irrational or not she convinced that if she was seen for what she truly was she’d lose everything. Over and over she denied it, kept saying she was human even as horns sprouted from her head and a tail grew from her behind. None of it was justified as Mokou could less of a damn, even letting her know that wouldn’t calm her down. Not knowing what to do Mokou spontaneously confessed to being immortal. Keine was confused and maybe even a little shocked though it did confirm her suspicions. Now that Mokou had Keine’s attention she decided to start telling bits her life an immortal. Keine burnt each and every detail in her mind as she felt if she forgot them then she’d never get the chance to hear them again. She told of the more creative ways she had defeated Kaguya, how she filled the empty years and even how some people tried to get her liver thinking eating it would make them immortal. Keine was a little queasy in the stomach hearing that rumor but Mokou laughed it off saying that there weren’t any other human immortals that she knew of, she wasn’t even sure if it was true or not. Keine exchanged her stories of mishaps as a were-beast. Her senses got strong so quickly that she was often overwhelmed once she had fully changed forms. She also explained how some creatures like hobgoblins or fairies would mock her by calling her a cow to which Mokou offered to turn said pests into cooked beef. Keine was usually against violence but she still uses that threat anytime something tried to make a milk joke. Keine then broadly explained her abilities her create history as a Hakutaku and “eat” it as a human. Mokou didn’t completely understand it still she found it neat. They spent that whole night chatting back and forth about their mutual respect of history as well as the adjustments they individually made to their lives to put up with their conditions. Before they knew it the sun was rising, Mokou wanted to make one last gesture before Keine left. She took a plain red ribbon out of her hair and tied it on Keine’s left horn as a symbol of her acceptance of Keine’s true self. Ever since then when the moon was full Keine wore that ribbon and visited Mokou. A warm smile had found across her face while she nuzzled Mokou’s shoulder. “You’ve been quiet for a while, what’re you thinking about?” Mokou remarked, Keine let go of her and answered, “I was thinking about the night when you discovered I was a half-beast”, Mokou turned herself around to face Keine and said “Huh, you were so scared yet that winded up being a pretty enjoyable night”, Keine stared into Mokou’s eyes and softly spoke “It was such a happy night for me…..Mokou you know you are the most important person in my life right?” Mokou felt her face growing red unsure what to she stuttered “O-oh really? Don’t know why I haven’t done anything”. Keine put her hand on Mokou’s cheek and used a couple of fingers to push her bangs aside, feeling her fingers on her soft skin she started explaining herself to her oblivious friend; “You are the woman I need most because you are the only person like me in this whole wide world of mine.” Mokou narrowed her eyes and her nose wrinkled, she wasn’t able to comprehend what she was hearing. “You don’t understand, do you? You can’t understand others’ emotions right?”, Keine slides her hand off her cheek and started searching around for something while still talking. “I hate what I’ve become, I wanted to live an average life, an average human life. But I can’t now, I can’t call myself human anymore because not only do I physically turn into a monster but I now have powers no human was ever meant to have. And I hate it, I almost feel like I have a double life but I hate lying. Everyone that came through during the night of the fake moon every single one of them didn’t address me as a human only a half beast.” Keine rambled while still searching for whatever she wanted, Mokou tried to speak but Keine beat her to it, “I love humans more than anything else but I won’t let them have relationships with a beast, it’s just not right. Yet I don’t want to associate with the selfish youkai so I’m trapped inbetween” Keine continued although her back was cringing, “I didn’t know how much I loved and needed my humanity until it was taken from me” Mokou’s eyes widened and she hesitatingly asked, “Keine...what do you mean your humanity was taken away from you?” Keine paused for a second, she didn’t look at Mokou only stared at the floor, “I never did tell you did I? Mokou I was born completely human, my transformations during the nights of the full moon are the result of a curse placed upon me. Actually, I’d be able to fully turn into a Hakutaku had I been born as a natural shapeshifter, I guess I’m even a lousy beas--” Keine was the one to be cut off this time by Mokou slamming her fist against the floor. “Who did it?” Keine remained silent, “Keine who did it? Who cursed you? Are they still around? Because I’m gonna turn that bastard into a pile of ash” Keine stood still and didn’t see Mokou’s red eyes almost bulging out of her sockets or the veins that pulsated on her neck from her blood boiling. Keine nervously tried to say something that wouldn’t send Mokou into an outright rage “It’s too late now besides it’s my punishment for failing--” A furious Mokou cut her off once more, “You’re the sweetest woman I’ve ever known, nothing you could’ve done would warrant you being cursed with such a terrible affliction”, “It wouldn’t matter it can’t be undone, but that’s not what this is about, please listen to what I have to say” Mokou quieted down but she was still scowling at whatever unknown force had the cruelty to ruin Keine’s life. “As I said I felt trapped inbetween human and youkai. It was hard being on that boundary, I was sad, anger, lonely basically I couldn’t accept myself. My Hakutaku self is the other side of the coin that makes up me, except I’m terrified of it. It’s not something I can understand so I fear I can’t control what I’ll do when the moon is full.” Mokou walked over to where Keine was bent down and placed a hand on her shoulder, she calmly laid out her one thought on the matter. “That’s ridiculous like I said before, you’re still the Keine I love whether you’re a dainty human or a horned beast. I can’t even think of a major difference, maybe you’re a little more emotional as a Hakutaku but that probably doesn’t even have anything to do with it”. Keine let out a light giggle, “I knew you’d say that though the point I’ve been trying to make is this whole time is that you’re the same. You too can’t be considered an ordinary human nor can anyone call you a youkai. I know it’s selfish but told me about being immortal I couldn’t help but see my dilemma in yours. I have a connection with you that I share with no one else. I don’t know what’d I do without you honestly.” Keine found what she wanted, the red ribbon and held it out for the both of them to see. “I don’t think in all my a thousand and three hundred years of life I’ve had someone feel that way about me. Also, I don’t think it’s selfish” Mokou went over the ribbon in Keine’s hands with her fingers. “I was the only one of my kind of centuries upon centuries until I came across her but even though. The loneliness and endless hiding in fear was agonizing. So I too have a connection to you that I have with nobody else.” The pair’s eyes lined up and they didn’t speak anymore, only happily gazed into each other’s eyes. Once they came out of the momentary trance faded away they both recognized how late it had gotten. “Huh I guess it’s time for me to go”, Keine looked down at her lap, pouting a little. Mokou put a smug look on her face while resting her cheek on her knuckles, “Or maybe I should stay the night so you don’t die of sadness”. Keine turned her head to the side, she may or may not had been blushing, “T-that’s up to you”, Mokou sank into lying on her side moving her hand up to the side of her hand. “Alright, I’ll sleep right here tonight” On the floor!?” “Yeah” “No way! You take the bed I’ll be on the floor” “This is your house, I’m not taking your bed.” “As the owner of this house, you’re getting on that bed” “Try me” They argued more back and forth before settling on just sharing the bed. It was awkward since neither of them was used to it but got comfortable enough. Keine rolled over on the side opposite of the one she was and accidentally became face to face with her bedmate. She didn’t want to look directly into her sleeping face so forced her view elsewhere. She saw that her hand was outstretched between the two with her palm showing, it became too much of a temptation just lying there innocently. she assumed Mokou wouldn’t wake up so she very carefully wrapped her hand around her palm. She was only going to hold it for a moment but she was startled when fingers started wrapping over her own. “You’re needier than you look you know that?” Mokou said barely above a whisper, “That’s alright I don’t mind, goodnight”, her eyes shut as quickly as they opened. “Goodnight”, Keine quietly said back, she took a small glance at Mokou’s peaceful face before closing her own eyes. For a moment the same image of her disappearing before her appeared, she squeezed a little tighter to remind her she’s still right there with her. She’ll never stop being afraid of waking one day without her by her side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't edit this as well I should sorry I'll go back to fix anything I missed once my eyes have a break. Final chapters coming very soon


	5. So She Remained Silent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keine talks to a lamp because lonely desperation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really need to start coming with better chapter summaries

The sunlight didn’t wake up Keine for once, a small shift in the bed was just enough to have her slowly open her eyes. She saw that Mokou swung her legs over the bed and was absently staring into a corner. She couldn’t tell what she was thinking about, though she had a guess as to what might be on her mind. “What are you going to do today?” The sudden appearance of Keine’s voice caught Mokou off guard, instead of answering she immediately asked her own question. “Did I wake you up? Sorry about that, might want sleep for a little while longer” “No I would have to get up sooner or later so it’s fine” Kein groggily said while rubbing her eyes and yawning, Mokou meanwhile left the bed so she could stretch her limbs. Keine followed suit except someone might’ve thought she shattered her spine based on the sound it made when she got up. “Gods what was that?”, Mokou spun around and looked at Keine concerned. “My bones hate me” Keine practically whimpered in response, and right as she got off the bed another crack emulated from her. “Man, do you deal with that every morning?” “More or less” “That’s awful” “I hate it”, Keine whined, she then started changing after Mokou walked into another room. She was done in the blink of an eye except she was missing one thing. “Looking for this?” Mokou reentered the room and walked over to Kein so she could place her hat on her head. “For someone whose life revolves around working you sure can be careless.” Mokou pointed out, Keine adjusted her hat before admitting the truth to that statement. ‘Well, I can’t argue that I can be a little oblivious at times” Mokou put her hands in her pockets, “Well I don’t need to tell you that I can be sloppy too”. Keine crossed her arms and continued, “Yes, you wear the same torn up shirt to sleep and live in a house that by your own admission is going to collapse and kill you.” Mokou chuckled a sort of a have no defense so I’ll just laugh. With nothing else to do in the bedroom and the fact that Keine was on limited time the two decided it was about time for breakfast. As Keine was finishing up cooking for the two of them so she decided it was a good time to repeat the unanswered question she asked earlier. “What are you going to do today?” “Hmm? Oh, I don’t know maybe I’ll actually fix up my place or bug the folk up at Eientei again.” Mokou intended it as a joke yet the mention of Eientei coming from her lips put Keine at unease. Did it mean she was thinking about Kaguya again? She didn’t like the idea of thoughts of the moon goddess invading Mokou’s head while she slept next to her. It almost was like she was a jealous lover though her contempt was for completely different reasons. Her hands tightened over the plates she was getting out so tightly that she could feel them about to crack. Still, she loosened her grasp and sat down, trying to keep her face pleasant for her guest. “Now I’ll be expecting to see some improvements my next full moon visit.” Mokou did her smug smirk and spoke, her voice matching her smirk, “When you say it like that you sound like a landlady with impossible standards”. “Wow I want you to live in a fully functional place that’s roof won’t come down, what impossible standards.” Keine retaliated just as snarkily, they both laughed it off. Keine briefly glanced over at a shadow in the room and just as she thought it was time for her to start her trek to her school. “I never have any free time in the morning” Keine noted aloud, though it was more a thought she had to herself. “You want me to wake you up earlier next time?” “I mean may-” Keine cut herself off rethinking what she said and looked up from gathering her things. “Next time?” Keine questioned quizzitive, “I mean only if you want me back” Mokou responded with a mixture of embarrassment and nervousness, apparently also realizing what she said. “Of course I want you back”, Mokou stared down at her feet shuffling them, she felt a strange mix of emotions from those words. She made herself shrug it off then put back on her usual smirk, “You really like wasting your time with me don’t you?”. “It’s not a waste, it’s fascinating talking to you”, Keine spoke with a sparkle flashing behind her eyes as she admired the sight of Mokou being bathed in the morning light. “Fascinating huh?” Mokou said walking to the door since Keine was ready to go. “I mean you’ve seen centuries of history pass right before your eyes. How is that not fascinating?” Keine exclaimed, Mokou ran a hand through her bangs and returned the look Keine was giving her. “You’re a nerd, but it’s cute”, Mokou boldly stated to Keine all while pushing her luck by patting her head playfully. Keine quickly got defensive in the embarrassed kind of way. “Quit patting me! It makes me think you see me as a pet or something”. Mokou bent over and started breaking into a strange cackle that seemed to be emitting from her ribs rather than her voicebox. Keine’s brows slanted and her eyelids lowered, she spoke with her tone reflecting her unamusement. “Really killed yourself that time didn’t you?” “Sorry it’s just--” She chuckled to herself before finishing her sentence “it’s just you being a pet sounds kinda funny” Keine’s eyes rolled somehow even more unamused, “What is wrong with you?” “I lost a good sense of humor seven hundred years ago” “Yes, that’s painfully obvious”. Was the brusque response Mokou got as Keine walked passed her out the door. Mokou followed after her, making sure she’d lock the door behind her then added on to what she was saying earlier. “Still I mean seeing you act like a cat in your Hakutaku form would be funny wouldn’t it?” “NO ABSOLUTELY NOT, I don’t know what you’re imagining but you better stop it” Keine tried not to yell but still her voice came out louder than she wanted. Mokou caught up to her as she began to walk down the path, “I wasn’t thinking of anything weird I swear, it was just an idea.” Keine originally was going to challenge that claim but as Mokou ran up beside her she realized that Mokou’s cabin was on the east side of the bamboo forest and they were heading west. “Hey isn’t your place the other way?” “Yeah but I figured I’d walk with you” “Oh that’s nice”, Keine honestly found it a pleasant surprise that she woke up to Mokou and not a note let alone being accompanied to the school by her. It was a normal stroll where they had normal small talk like they had all morning, though that very normalcy gave birth to a thought in Keine’s mind. Yesterday night they were talking about their inhumanity yet now they didn’t stand out at all from the swarms of people going through their daily lives. It was a blessing that their secrets were only known only to them still it left a sense of unease knowing that life really could never be just average for either of them. She still wanted the illusion of it, to at least have as close as possible to what some might call an average life. Except Keine didn’t have enough confidence in herself to make it a reality and Mokou had her Kaguya complex. Like always she couldn’t explore her thoughts for long as they arrived at school quicker than Keine assumed they would, that’s how it always felt. “Well, you’ve survived the perilous journey so I think I ought to take my leave. Try and keep your sanity for the next time we meet”, With that Mokou started trekking up some of the small nearby hills towards the wilderness. Right before she went out of sight Keine called out to her, “Just what do you think I do on a day to day basis? Don’t do anything foolish because I want to see you again soon”, Mokou continued walking, waving behind her and yelled back, “You don’t have to worry about that”. Right as she finished speaking she slipped into some of the thick bamboo thickets and disappeared with a quiet rustle. Keine looked back and entered the school. “Who was that?” One of her students asked as she made her way to the classroom. Keine smiled lightly, “Just an unfunny wisecrack but still, a good friend.” “You have friends Miss Kamishirasawa?” Keine forced the grin to stay on her to hide her annoyance at the rude but well-founded question. “Of course I do, what do you children think I do with my life?” “Stay indoors and read boring stuff”, that really was all she did, cruelly honest questions aside the day carried on as usual. So did the next day and the next and the next week or so. Keine found her true regular routine lonely and unrewarding. She found herself searching for the immortal’s form to no avail. Only the workers and wives getting dinner and then slipping into their homes where their families greeted them warmly. Keine started feeling empty coming home to a large, dark and unfinished house following the unexpected visit. None of it was new however, it was leaving a hole that grew into a sinking abyss. More than once Keine would peek into the windows of the families she saw daily to get a glimpse of their lives, wishing it was her’s. Even the students talking about what they did with their parents were starting to ignite sparks of jealousy, a sure sign she had hit rock bottom in the pit of desperation. Oddly enough just a few years before she’d never thought you could find happiness in devoting yourself to someone else. Back then she chose to isolate herself to keep her secrets safe and to further her career, it felt like that was so long again yet also just yesterday. People change their minds quickly and now Keine regretted everything as she had no relations, seemingly losing her chance to change her path. As a result of it all, the time between her visits with the one person she was truly close to now made her feel restless and meaningless. Mokou joked once that Keine would make a good wife with her caring nature combined with her intense devotion. Keine fell in love with those words but they stung too. She was grading a recent test, finishing up the last one she threw her pencil and plopped unto her back. Staring at the ceiling she found herself wondering if Mokou felt the same as she did when it came to their relationship. She didn’t always know what she was thinking but she knew she’d had to have considered them to be close. Afterall, Mokou had willingly spilled everything about her past to her, the memory started to overtake Keine’s mind before she knew it. The night where Mokou unexpectedly arrived at Keine’s distressed, a far cry from her usual self. Keine although horrified herself kept her composure and started asking what was wrong. Mokou stumbled in trying to keep herself together but broke down and confessed her greatest sin to Keine, she finally told her every last detail about how she became immortal. All the pieces of the puzzle Keine had been trying to figure out came together at last, yet it somehow wasn’t rewarding. Interestingly enough, she also asked questions about Youkai Mountain’s history which Keine answered with ease since it was easier to do rather than provide emotional support. The questions of course tied into the incident with the volcano goddess Sakuyahime who warned the dangers of immortality but not even a goddess’s word could save one from temptation. Mokou even believed that the goddess may have massacred the trope of soldiers sent to dispose of the cursed elixir on her mountain if only to drive in her point. Thus left the young Fujiwara girl and the commander, Iwakasa and only one of them came back down that volcano. Keine never assumed she’d be best friends with a former murderer yet the way her eyes pressed shut so tightly and her cheeks raised; That face carried the same look of shocked anguish as it likely did the moment her hand returned from that impulsive push even after a thousand years. Keine recognized then that this woman’s heart was not one of evil intent, there was no reason not to forgive her. That face was actually a painful sight for Keine, she wanted to wipe away the tears that wouldn’t stop streaming down her face but she didn’t she remained still. Mokou then continued on now explaining why she was reluctant to interact with other humans, for her first three hundred years she was heavily persecuted by them. Mokou’s crime was quickly discovered as she wasn’t able to keep herself quiet about it. She was automatically “blacklisted” when it was discovered she had killed one of the Emperor’s most honorable men. The people were further shocked when failure to execute her revealed to them that she drank the Hourai Elixir meant for The Emperor. The public’s outrage was insatiable, Mokou would have potentially been tortured for years on end if she hadn’t managed to escape deep into the isolated wilderness, only occasionally risking herself to check on her father. In spite off all the fuss she caused she was forgotten and assumed to be a myth after only a few hundred years. That was Keine’s worse nightmare, it sent shivers down her spine thinking that Mokou had lived through it but she still remained still and silent. Mokou went on still, after that she stopped living in fear, the anger that had built up inside of her was unleashed the next three hundred. Taking out anything that crossed her, although Mokou insisted that she didn’t and will never again, kill another human. It was mainly desolate places she burned down or Youkai looking for a fight that suffered the most. Keine found her unexpectedly relating, it was frustrating being forced into hiding for being something slightly less human, even if it was brought on to oneself. She almost told her that but shoved it back into her and remained silent. Mokou had calmed down a little bit by this point, she still had a tear drop off her face now and again though her tone was significantly less panicked. Once those three hundred years were over she slowed down and became insufferably bored. Wandering around with no purpose and attempting to try new things that could bring her no joy. Mokou claimed that for the most part her current days were the same way and predicted most of her deathless existence to be spent in a similar fashion. Ironically, Keine came to understand the feeling of days passing by with no fulfillment, the feeling of existing not living. It hadn’t fully manifested in her back when they were having that conservation so she remained silent. Mokou claimed the only notable occurrence to happen then was that she found her way into Gensokyo. Mokou laughed inbetween her sparse tears as she compared her life to a bad story that would drag on and on with no gratifying ending. Mokou’s voice, no her entire state of mind changed once she started talking about how she found a purpose with the one consistency she had in her life, her rage towards Kaguya. It unnerved Keine, the difference that the mere thought of Kaguya brought about within her. Mokou learning that Kaguya was in Gensokyo with her was a mistake, it lead her to be dictated by her own rage. Anyone could easily see that Mokou hated her guts, it was the most obvious aspect about her. Few truly knew just how deep the roots of her spitefulness were, nor how she based her entire life around it. That evening Keine learned the full extent of her obsession, even though she was scared, even though she was distraught, maybe even a bit jealous, she remained silent. Mokou went on and on, she couldn’t go a day without thinking of some way to hurt her, couldn’t sleep without remembering all the times she had killed her, she waited everyday waiting for Kaguya to appear before her to play out the endless cycle. It affected every aspect of her life one way or another, it completely controlled her. Keine knew that wasn’t any way to live, she wanted to do something about it but never could think of anything that would effectively deter her. The whole ordeal was painful for Keine but hearing Mokou speak of her past in her own words gave an insight on her true character. Mokou might have spent her life blaming Kaguya but the reality was she herself was the one she hated most. She went as far as to tell Keine that she was had so many regrets in life that made her wish she was dead, no matter how hard she wished for it that dream wouldn’t come true. Those words stabbed a hole through Keine’s heart that never healed. To know that her dearest friend who she cared for with every fiber in her body was in that much pain was too much to bear. Still, she found herself unable to speak, remaining silent. Mokou rambled on a little longer before drying her tears completely and getting a hold of herself. She returned to being the same Mokou that Keine was used to and apologized numerous times for her behavior, saying it wasn’t fair to force her to listen to her foolish past. Then she simply left, Keine knew then she made a mistake she would never forgive herself for, she didn’t say anything, she let Mokou go back into the cycle. Mokou had only come to her in the first place because she was terrified that Kaguya would leave earth via the Vampire Remilia’s rocket. Course those claims were exaggerated and untrue but the idea of Mokou losing her rival sent her spiraling. Living in a world without being about to destroy Kaguya would leave her with nothing in her mind. She wondered what she would do and that lead her to think about her past which made her spiral into the mess at Keine’s door. Keine wished she had done something to keep her at her side. She regretted not blurting out everything that was on her mind, she should’ve grabbed her hand, she should’ve run out to her. The reality was she didn’t do anything that would’ve stopped her from going back, just stood in a doorway and remained silent. She spent the rest of the month being bitter about her inability to properly help her friend. Yet when she saw Mokou again during her full moon visit that month, she forced a fake smile on her face and pretended nothing had ever happened. She never had the confidence to do the things she wanted. Mokou herself never brought it up again, Keine tried several times to push Mokou into confiding to her again but it never seemed to work. Keine kept turning a blind eye as she claimed to be content with her situation. Keine refused to believed that, her failure to find the words she needed to confront her again never cease to tear her up inside whenever she thought about it. Maybe someone would claim that Keine was becoming as obsessed with helping Mokou as Mokou was with killing Kaguya. Either way all Keine truly wanted was to lift the lifelong burden off Mokou’s back, she wanted her to be happy as anyone wanted for someone they cherished. A chill crept into the room which forced Keine out of the past back into the reality of the present. Her corneas reflected nothing more than the dying light of the lamp hanging above her. It flickered in the sudden cold wind that intruded suddenly, threatening to leave her staring at a dark dull ceiling. Her eyes remained stuck on the struggling light with a vacant mind, she snapped out of it then let out a light sigh. “You probably don’t care at all, you’d call the whole event a foolish mistake like you did last time.” Keine occasionally spoke her worries to an unsuspecting object and today the fading lamp took the place of a certain absent companion. “Why won’t you talk to me again? I like our joking and all but I still want to be your rock. Afterall you're mine” The light only gave a weak flicker for an answer. “I don’t understand it, why only give me a glimpse into your suffering then throw me out?” The light quietly shone down her ignoring her questions. “That hurts you know? I-I’d give you my everything the second you asked for it. Maybe I already have yet you...you...I don’t feel like I can have your everything. I want you to tell me your darkest secrets, I want to be the one whose arms you always can collapse into you, I want to mean everything to you but you want one thing forever and I hate that.” The circles the flames made across the ceiling stretched and shrunk seem to finally convince her to stop staring at them. “My god, I sound like a mad poet, have I really become so pathetic that I have to find company in the walls?” Keine said her thoughts aloud for no one to answer. Keine got up from the floor only to lie right back down only this time face first on her bed. She was more than ready to end this woeful night, she shifted her body to a more comfortable position on her side. She could see out one of the windows, clouds were blocking the moon. She was going to see Mokou as soon as she could and she really meant it this time, it wasn’t just going to be an empty promise anymore. That was a pleasant thought to fall asleep on so she did. The lights eventually finally gave out as the moon finally was able to shine it’s light in the fullest, though it almost seemed mocking covering Keine’s body

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Insecurity both in and from writing this chapter: 156

**Author's Note:**

> Ya'll better appreciate the 3 minutes I spent on google finding terms for old Japanese furniture to cement the fact that Mokou lives in an old Japanese house that's falling apart. I'm really insecure about writing this but what could happen. Lemme know what you think and tell me if you think things get too repetitive which was a big concern I had.


End file.
